Having lived in Little Rock for a while, and always cruising Craigslist in whatever location I am in (even in Taiwan, where no one uses it), I posted the following reaction to the ads I was seeing on there.

This is what I wrote:

 
Honestly, ladies, it’s not that I don’t enjoy going through your ads.
I do.
They’re entertaining.

Chances are,
you’re here reading this and the others on CL
for the same entertainment value.

Let’s see what I can do for you.

Here are examples of what some of you write,
and what most of us see when we read it.

Post:
“Looking for a real man”

Meaning:
When you come to pick me up,
make sure you have enough trunk space for my baggage.

Post:
“Looking for Mister Right”

Meaning:
The clock is ticking and you just might be who I settle for.

Post:
“I am a BBW”

Meaning:
I am uncomfortable with my size,
which is too large to simply be called “curvy”
and must be euphemized by an abbreviation.

Post:
“No drama”

Meaning:
I already have far too much drama in my life,
which probably has to do with me whining about it
instead of doing something about it.

Post:
“Looking for fun”

Meaning:
I’m a hooker.

So…I’d like to help.

Sort of.

I might also be here to mock some of you a little bit,
so don’t take too much offense.

First of all, stop posting clichés and just lay down hard facts:
age/height/weight/hair&eye color/interests – that’s what the boys want.

Airing the amount of baggage you air on here is the precise reason
you’re on CL looking for a relationship.

The entire w4m section of Little Rock feels like a real life game
of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

I’m sorry for the harsh reality check.

I do it because I love you.
Sort of.

I mean, I’m not entirely insensitive.

It’s not easy to be fat and have issues about it;
there’s a lot of psychological stuff that goes with it.

Same for the single moms,
wondering if they can ever find a way to have a relationship
where he’s not the #1 priority.

Or even something as benign as not having time to find a date,
because of work or whatever, and wondering,
“Where’s the balance?”

So I am just here to give out a bit of what I observe,
in hopes you can
laugh,
get over yourselves, and
live better.

If you are looking to get paid, don’t beat-around-the-bush replacing every “s” with a “$.”
$ay you’ve got the be$t rate$ around and I’ll at lea$t re$pect you a$ a bu$ine$$ per$on:
while $ubtle, thi$ i$ not the an$wer.

Stop with the BBW nonsense.
I’ve dated 6′-tall 200lb models – they were gorgeous…
and they never used the term “BBW” to describe themselves.
The only people who do are the ones who are missing the second “B” from the equation.
If you’re five-five and two-forty, say so:
it’s so much more attractive than some cryptic “BBW.”

Don’t post your life story.
I’m a good writer and even I know that this should be 300 words shorter
because most who started are not reading this sentence.

Oh, and, don’t forget:
if you write me, send a pic, because I’m too insecure to show myself first!
Nothing reels ’em in like insecurity, ladies…

LAUGH MORE – I’M NO PRIZE – THE WORLD IS FLAWED – EMBRACE REALITY

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, NOT WHAT YOU FEEL