YOLO Bitches: Why Your Life Isn’t Worth Living

YOLO bitches.

The modern usage of YOLO (in particular, “YOLO bitches”) drives me straight up the wall.  It’s not clever.  It’s not accurate.  It’s not even funny.  It’s just lame and often sad.

I remember, when I was young (you know: twenty years ago) my mother used to say, “You only live once.”  Occasionally, it was said seriously, like if I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to try something new.  It was a way to say, “You can’t know unless you try, and why waste life being afraid of trying new things?”  But not always.  Sometimes she said it ironically, like if I wanted a second scoop of ice cream.  Hey: you only live once.

But, somehow, the “you only live once” phrase that came from the generation of my parents has been bastardized into a ridiculous catchphrase for people who live entirely ordinary lives and need to feel better about that fact by lying to themselves regarding how uninteresting they actually are.  This isn’t some conclusion I came to suddenly.  It’d been building up inside me like some kind of Greek humor, eating away at my insides, since I was back in the USA at the start of 2012.

At the time, I was setting up my business (shameless Facebook plug) and substitute teaching.  I like subbing for many reasons – I enjoy feeling like “the new guy” – after living my life as I have, moving a half-dozen times between ages 4 to 12 (and then a total of 17 times in the last 26 years), I’m perversely comfortable in that position.  It feels more natural to me than when I feel settled somewhere.  And subbing allowed me to get to know “youth culture” while enhancing myself, from my outlook on society to my ability to educate: nothing develops skill like experience.

It was there that I got to learn the new and ridiculous expressions of the young.  Things like “You mad, bro?” which serves as a way to “drive” someone.  To “drive” is to make someone “drove” which is a shortening of the idea of “driving [one] up the wall,” which you will recall from my introduction.  And, of course, “YOLO.”




Now, as with so many things said by teenagers, it’s easy enough to discount remarks as “stupid.”  The phrases “groovy” and “radical” were both perfectly ridiculous, in their own times, certainly no more-or-less-so than a phrase like “drove.”  But YOLO just…irks me.  Again, the young don’t know any better.  They haven’t experienced life, so they don’t know what makes life interesting or exciting.  It’s a group where everything that normal adults take as “everyday life” becomes the most awesome experience ever.  Just as a toddler finds leaves blowing in the wind to be the most amazing thing to ever happen in the history of the world, so do teenagers find drinking a beer.  So when a kid says, “I’m going to the football game tonight: YOLO,” you can let it go.  To them, that is living life to the fullest.

But for those who are now my age – 30 years old – that doesn’t fly, anymore.  Showing a picture of an orange margarita on Facebook with the caption “YOLO” doesn’t impress me any more than your showing a plate of pancakes the next morning and saying, “Blueberry.  YOLO bitches!”  You wonder what the fuck these morons have been doing for three decades to get excited over a short stack.  The “bitches” addition is possibly the most absurd – like they’re slam-dunking their life experiences into everyone’s faces: “I’m doing the same thing I do every night!  YOLO bitches!”

Again, if it was meant to be ironic, I’d laugh.  If someone actually posted a pic of blueberry pancakes with “YOLO, I knowz you all jealous of how I be livin’!” then I’d find it hilarious enough to re-share it.  In fact, I might just try that very thing.  Start taking pictures of the most mundane things I can find and “YOLO-tag” them.

“Alarm clock woke me up.  YOLO!”

“Stuck in traffic.  YOLO.”

yolo bitches

YOLO bitches!

Seriously, I think we should all start making this “a thing.”  Ridicule it until it dies a miserably boring vapid death comparable the lives of the people who use it are living.  Because, at this time, the only people I see using it are people who are living utterly normal lives.  If you took a picture of yourself skydiving naked and captioned it with a “YOLO,” I’d respect that.  Clearly, you recognize that you’d only live once, and jumping out of a plane nude is on The List.  The thing is…no one who lives life with a legitimate “YOLO attitude” ever uses the phrase.  They’re too busy living it to feel a need to shove it into peoples’ faces.

The rule-of-thumb is this: anything you’re doing that you think requires a “YOLO” caption is not simply undeserving of that caption – it’s undeserving of being broadcast, in the first place.  If your life is so unexciting that the only way you can feel like what you are doing is exciting is by deluding yourself into thinking you’re making an edgy choice by doing mundane things…you’re fucking doing it wrong.  You are living wrong.  Your life sucks.  Stop pretending it doesn’t, and start living right.

Because you only live once.




6 thoughts on “YOLO Bitches: Why Your Life Isn’t Worth Living

  1. wow u complain so much, i never even heard of YOLO before, and after reading this article i still dont know what you mean, maybe YOU”ALL or something like what people say in the south.

    come on buddy, less blog posts like this one and more educational stuff about taiwan and thinks we can learn from. like for example tell us how we can get 900nt/month unli internet cell phone plan 🙂 or remember before a while back i asked u to do a gas station review of taiwan and how they give free napkins and tissues at some and other if u gas urself its -3nt for ever 100nt u buy.

  2. @Homer
    First of all, I literally defined YOLO within the first 100 words of this blog. I can’t help that you “don’t get it.” I’m not going to dumb-down my blog and write about how gas stations give out free water/tissues. If you want to share that information with the world, then you can blog about it. But just because you don’t understand the content, humor, or analysis of a blog I write, don’t assume that my entire audience is like you. I don’t solely write about Taiwan; my scope is much larger than that.

  3. I liked what you said about my blog. At no point did you cross the line into offensiveness, nor did you pull your punches. I appreciate that and I respect it. I’ve been wallowing in my own depression for some time now (read that as a year) and I’m just slowly over the last couple of months starting to come out of it. I WILL write what I want. And I WILL be good at it. I guess, I just I needed a well placed kick in the backside, and I suspect yours is coming at about the right time.
    And you know…for what its worth, I can’t agree with the commentator above. Living in Taiwan and blogging about your life experience SHOULD be about what you want to truly blog about. Especially if its about how asinine the phrase YOLO really is. Because, jesus christ. For everyone one of us that actually went out and took the terrifying risks because we KNEW this was our only chance, this whole MEME or whatever the fuck its called is so insulting and belittling to our true awakening in life, it makes me want to cry. Frankly, it reminds me of that video by the one guy from SNL. I don’t remember the name, but its all about YOLO and maybe being on a boat or something.

    Whatever it was, it hurts to see something that started as true and deep and meaningful being turned into a catchall teenage phrase to get slightly more popular on the twitter or FB page.

    Damn. I hate teenagers. You have no idea.

    Regardless, didn’t mean to go off on a rant. I appreciated your words. I will reflect on them some more tomorrow and most likely in the week or two ahead, before I begin to take action. Thanks for writing them.

    • The thing is, I’m more OK with teenagers using it. But I know people who are in their 30s that use it. That’s far more frustrating. The hilarious part is that teens don’t use it anymore – it’s as outdated as “drove” and the rest of the slang that was dying out out a year ago, as I was just learning it from the remaining kids still using it.

      I hope my words were helpful; I tend to call things like I see them, so I’m glad you found them to be helpful and not hurtful.

  4. I have never heard this term “Yolo bitches”. I don’t know if I will need it someday. Perhaps, if I find a job as an entrepreneur at teenagers industry. But, I know this day will never happen. So, I am glad I don’t have to learn it. The funny thing, I wrote a post very similar to this one on June 3th. I stated the reason to delete all the previous posts and pictures. I used to post many pictures. I thought it could be entertaining. But, I expect people to read my posts. But, I guess the visitors were only “Yolo bitches”. No, we don’t live only once for pancakes, we don’t live once for a glass of Pina Colada. But, we just live once because the nature did this to us. I am not gonna say the life is never generous to us. Of course, we have little pleasures sometimes. But, this is not gonna make us to ignore our problems. Plus, I really dislike the term “bitches”. Now,Yolo bitches? I don’t want to live once to be a bitch lol. I know this term is a slang used among teens, specially with close friends. I don’t call my closed friends “bitches”. Remmember the person who did start with this term was Paris Hilton. Doesn’t this tell anything? Oh, I took the time to wactch your Youtube videos. I couldn’t watch all the videos. But, I really liked your sweet and sour chicken. The restaurant you recommended “Bystro” sounds good. The Ferrari car “Yolo Bitches” lol. If I was a billionaire, perhaps I would get one. Because it is beautiful. Certainly, I wouldn’t buy here in Taiwan. The traffic frustates me just watching the news. I guess I know why someone would purchase that Ferrari in Taiwan. Because they want to show others. You will see many people doing it nowadays. Show others what you have, so others will treat you better. I would have fear if people treat me better after learning I am rich.

  5. @jsphfrtz
    I read Homer’s comment and your answer lmao. Seriously, it is funny! It is not sarcasm. Perhaps, he is just expressing his opinions. But, he really didn’t get the meaning about “Yolo”. This is also my first time hearing this term. But, I get it. Y.O.L.O are initials for “You Only Live Once”. I can draw in my blog if it is necessary. He said
    “you complain a lot” -The blog is yours, then you write whatever you want.
    “Educational stuff” I think this post has educational stuff. I learnt something new from this post today.
    “About mobile and internet plan”- everyone knows how to research online, with friends or stores that offer this service.
    “A post about tissue papers” – know a way to get free tissue papers. Go to 7 eleven, Mcdonalds, gas station and grab some tissue papers. Since they are public restrooms, there is nothing wrong to get some 🙂

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