Less important than why I was in my garage at 4am on a Thursday is what happened while I was in there.
Allow me to preface this by saying that I have been a city boy all my life…and even a bit of a nancypants, for one of those.
That said, I am in Western North Carolina for the summer, visiting my parents.
So I’m in the garage, at my father’s workbench, and I turn to walk back into the house.
I glance past Ogy – their red Smart car – to the wall, and catch a glimpse of this:
I immediately freak out.
He spotted me quickly and began his retreat.
Action had to be taken.
And I am a Milleneal.
So I took a picture, texting it to my father:
But it was useless.
I immediately remembered that he keeps his phone silent when he sleeps.
This was between me and the snake.
As he fled, I looked where he was headed and found what was possibly his point of entry:
It was then that I realized that there was nowhere for this snake to go – other than miraculously back out that hole – and that he’d most likely try to hide out somewhere in the garage.
There was no way I was going to subject my mother’s washing machine to more soiled underwear than it was already in store for, by letting someone else encounter it later.
Action had to come…but I wasn’t about to hunt it back behind the garbage can, to try to kill it.
So I opened the garage door about a foot.
He refused my offer to return to the wild, opting, instead, to slink back into the corner behind the garbage can.
I grabbed a lengthy pole and stuck it behind the can, to shoo him out.
He responded with a hiss.
Not a good sign.
“Hell,” I thought, “I haven’t been playing video games my entire life to not be able to solve this problem.”
So…what would a video game character do…?
Sure enough, he approached, as if to taunt me.
Despite the clear indications to exit, he raised up a bit, stared at me staring at him, turned, and went back behind the garbage can.
“Fine, you little bastard.”
“We can do it like that, if you want to.”
I looked around the room.
I sprayed a bit through the screen, behind the garbage can, and that was all it took.
I ran back to the garage door opener, shut the door, and went inside to begin writing this.
But not before duct-taping that hole in the wall.
Today seems like it may be a good day to bomb the garage with poison gas.
Though there are always other options.
Everyone be careful out there and have a great (and hopefully snake-free) summer!
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